Writers have a technique to expand the possibilities of a story by asking the question “What If?”. It will instantly crowbar open the door to infinite flow. Your logical mind will release and previously un-thought of scenarios will magically appear.
When we are stuck on a problem or in an argument, we get hunkered down on a fixed position in thinking monkey mind. Einstein espoused the wonderful advice pearl: “You can’t solve a problem from the position you created it”. Put another way by the wonderful Buddhist monk Mingyur Rinpoche: “When we become fixed in our perceptions we lose our ability to fly.”
Using a “What If?” can radically shift your fixed position instantly.
Imagine you are in heated back and forth exchange with your beloved over some bills not getting paid. Play that out as the clock ticks. What will be the net result of the “he said, she said” cycle of blame, shame, criticism, projection, stress, etc? You’ll probably both go to bed upset without a clear resolution and it will only reappear again in the future, more then likely disguised as a different problem.
Imagine if one of you instead asked: “What If we tied a 4 foot piece of string connecting our ankles and walked around the block right now?” Play that out. At first it might be odd, but the string will create a natural alignment to work together.
You’ll refocus your monkey mind instantly because now you’re pulling open kitchen drawers looking for that string you remembered once putting there, while the other searches for a pair of scissors.
Goofily you tie the string on your ankles by getting down on the floor. Note: a physical change of position just occurred.
Out the door on the walk you go. Naturally to be successful you’ll have to sync your walking. No one can go too far ahead or fall behind. You are together…just like in your relationship…together. Do you want arguing together or loving together? It really is a simple choice. (Don’t leave it up to monkey mind to decide.)
Very quickly you’ll realize the absurdity of the entire disagreement and instead of bickering, you’ll arrive at an equitable loving solution, that is if you make that choice.
I hope you do.