As she slowly descended the staircase, the lauded actress Gloria Swanson knew exactly how to pause for dramatic effect. Portraying a swan song silent-film star, Swanson let loose one of Hollywood’s most memorable lines in the classic movie Sunset Boulevard, “Alright, Mr. Demille, I’m ready for my close up.” An aging star unwilling to acknowledge her star had faded. 

Delusional, self-absorbed, narcissistic.

Another self-referential form is desired projection. It has been the bedrock of Madison Avenue marketing tactics to create demand based on illusion. Look no further than the wildly successful 1980 campaign rolled out for Clavin Klein. Cut to a young starlet named Brooke Shields leaning back on the floor confessing,  “You wanna know what comes between me and my Calvins? Nothing.” What the 15 year Shields was really saying was “look at me and imagine how good it is.”

The decades following we get Madonna, Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga music videos. More look at me– I am sexy, different, better, weird, odd, special.

None of these examples represent reality. Neither do most selfies. 

Please Tell Me I Am Okay.

Today almost everyone owns a smartphone. Coupled with the frictionless ease posting to social media, the ubiquitous selfie has become a common occurrence to self-aggrandize. 

Extend the arm, craft a smile, and angle the camera for maximum effect. Post. Then wait. Look. Refresh. Look again. Likes determine your perceived worthiness. Repeat as often as you need to fill the need for adulation. 

We’ve become a society with too much self-interest. We have developed a false need to tell others who we are, what we are doing, and how good it is.

Is it?

We Project What We Want

A few weeks ago I was sitting next to several women at a coffee shop writing. My ears perked up as overhearing their conversation at the adjoining table. Over the course of 45 minutes, one particular woman lamented how unhappy she was in her life. Apparently, her company recently downsized and let go about eight percent of the employees. She was one of the casualties. She was also, in her own words,  “getting way too tubby” and her boyfriend didn’t t want sex much anymore. As her complaints and laments continued, her friends tried to offer consolation and empathically support her, but would not let them in.

After finishing their lattes and hearing the litany of complaints, all the women rose and hugged each other goodbye. There was one last copious round of sage advice as they parted. 

“Don’t worry Linda, it will get better.” 

“Next time I see Mark I am going to tell him he better jump your bones or else I am going beat him up”  

“It’s always dark before the dawn, looking like a sad puppy ain’t going to solve it.”   

As they dispersed, no seemed to notice Linda lagging behind. After fishing out her phone from her purse, she put the biggest smile on her face and then pointed the camera phone back towards her starting snapping away. She was determined by the multitude of images to broadcast just the perfect sentiment,  “Look at me, I am having so much fun.” 

I wanted to yell out “Alright, Mr. Demille, I’m ready for my close up.”

Selfie In Art Was Called A Self-Portrait

Artist and poets use an artistic medium to express emotion, ideas, inner thoughts, and observations. The work is by them, but rarely self-referential.

It was revolutionary when the artist used him/herself as the subject because it was a double reveal.

There is a long history of artist self-portraiture. Rembrandt, Vincent van Gogh, Frida Kahlo, Chuck Close, Francesca Woodman, Pablo Picasso, Cindy Sherman, and Duane Michaels all turned the gaze onto themselves.

An artist like Sherman was anonymous in her work, dressing up in various disguises to comment on the role. Kahlo and Woodman’s work are a visual diary, exposing the pain of their relationship to themselves and others. Ironically Close, who is renowned for portraits of himself has a rare neurological disorder called prosopagnosia that makes it difficult for him to recognize faces. 

All of these are reaching for something deeper and used themselves as subject to convey. 

That is not the case with today’s selfie. There is no reveal, rather it is a concocted show-and-tell. This me doing this, have the grandest of times, and everything is just fine. 

Linda was certainly hoping to convey that. 

My Life Is Better In The Photo

There used to be primarily three kinds of photos of our friends– childhood, formal, and vacation.

Childhood family photos can be such a surprise. Awkward, personal, contextually, and historical. Formal images normally feel stilted. Bad lighting, uncomfortable poses, and too abnormal.

Vacation photos were candid, goofy, and refreshing. We got to see our friends in a completely relaxed way. Photos were special because what was being documented was special.

Now everyone has a small photography studio in their pocket. Add a few Instagram filters to touch up, and walah, you are rivaling the pages of Rolling Stone or Vogue magazines. Every Sunday morning, brunch selfies with Mimosas in hand and comments how delicious the #avocadotoast and #lifeworthliving are posted everywhere on social media.

Unreal versions of our lives. Becomes a competition who has a more exciting life. A popularity contest. Envy was carried out through brand and prestige. If you drive up to a party in a Porsche, that says something.

Filters. Dressing up. 

Negative social comparison. Instead of champion your friend who is showing you what that is experiencing, you instead have a negative social comparison. Either you have the fear you missed out or envy. The healthy response is “I am so happy for Jim. That looks like a lot of fun and I know how much he enjoys that.”

It’s similar to a conversation where you butt in your experience without listening. 

More so then ever, we are all discovering our deeper meaning but have lost our true selves baseline. Instead, everyone is trying to project how good it is by inserting themselves in the picture as proof.

Drop The Artifice

What exactly authenticity is. Withdrawal process. Many people feel worse after looking than before. It’s the equivalent of consuming a cheap chocolate bar when you are thinking is 85% organic cacao.

Facebook said, “when people spend a lot of time passively consuming information – reading but not interacting with people – they report feeling worse afterward”. Negative downstream consequences

living.